How to Enjoy the Holidays as a Highly Sensitive Person

The holidays are meant to be a cherished time of togetherness with family and friends, a time to switch off from work, relax and have fun. 

But for highly sensitive people (HSPs), the festive period can trigger a lot more fear than it does cheer. 

Between extended periods of socializing, decorating, entertaining, gift buying and endless holiday to-do lists, HSPs can easily get overwhelmed during the holiday season. It’s a recipe for anxiety and marrow-sucking exhaustion – which is not how anyone wants to enter 2024! 

Thankfully, HSPs can learn to enjoy and even relax over the holidays with a few simple tricks.

What is a highly sensitive person?

Wondering whether you’re a highly sensitive person? You may well be. According to clinical psychologist Dr Elaine Aron, who coined the term in the 1990s, HSPs make up about 15-20 percent of the population. 

What makes these individuals unique is their depth of sensory-processing sensitivity. In essence, their nervous systems are highly responsive to external stimuli like sounds, smells, sights, and even emotions. 

As Andrea Wachter, therapist and HSP, explains: “An HSP tends to react to life more strongly than people who do not identify as a sensitive breed.” Because of their deep processing power, these individuals “might startle easily at loud noises, feel unsettled in crowded places, get easily overwhelmed or feel disturbed by violent movies.” 

As well as being acutely in touch with their five senses, many HSPs possess high levels of emotional intelligence. “HSPs are naturally very empathetic to what others are feeling or needing,” notes April Snow, psychotherapist and an HSP herself. Snow explains that HSPs tend to “feel everything more deeply, from sadness and grief to excitement and joy.” 

Why are the holidays so hard for HSPs? 

The months of November and December tend to be a whirlwind of lights, music, smells, activities and people, so it’s easy to understand why some HSPs might wish they could fast-forward to a quiet and restful January. 

“Holidays can even be stressful for non-HSP’s,” remarks Wachter. “There tends to be a lot of extra stimuli, extra social events, and a flurry of invites that involve lots of decisions. Deciding what holiday gathering to attend or decline can add to the stress, as can wanting to please others and feeling sensitive about the possibility of disappointing people.” 

Worse, the type of parties we tend to have at this time of year don’t necessarily fulfill HSP’s needs for connection. “As a highly sensitive person myself, I know only too well how daunting and draining social interaction can be, unless it’s with a like-minded, compassionate HSP,” Wachter notes. HSPs crave intimate, meaningful interactions, not the blow-out office party.

Snow agrees. “Holiday activities can be disappointing for highly sensitive folks,” she says. “Large gatherings only allow for fleeting conversations rather than the deep connections HSPs prefer, and receiving impersonal gifts can leave a HSP feeling misunderstood after putting so much thought into gifts for others.”

Even when HSPs do get some alone time over the holidays, seemingly never-ending holiday checklists can make truly switching off feel impossible. “There’s an expectation to buy gifts for everyone, decorate, cook, and send cards,” shares Snow. “This is a lot for everyone, but especially HSPs who are more easily overwhelmed and need daily downtime to feel their best.”

With so much external pressure and stimulation, combined with the feeling of being misunderstood, it’s no wonder that HSPs are more prone to burnout than the average person. “When overstimulation isn’t balanced with enough rest and downtime, it’s common for highly sensitive folks to feel anxious, burned out, or struggle with their mental or physical health,” notes Snow.  

How to have a happy holidays as a HSP

While the holidays present some challenges for HSPs, it’s entirely possible for them to enjoy this period without compromising their wellbeing. They just need to follow a few tried and tested tips. 

1: Give yourself permission to say 'no'

With their acute awareness of other people’s emotions, turning down invitations to get-togethers can be anxiety-inducing for HSPs. But learning to honor their own needs is crucial.  

“If your gut tells you not to attend something or to only go for a short time, do your best to follow that inner knowing,” says Wachter. “Give yourself permission to decline and allow the host to have their feelings and thoughts. Take care of your own feelings and thoughts.”

2: Commit to learning about yourself

HSPs live in a world built for non-sensitive people, which can take a toll on their self-esteem over time. “We all want to fit in and, if most of the people around you are not HSPs, it can be hard to feel different,” notes Wachter. 

Thankfully, there are tools that HSPs can use to find a sense of belonging and become more confident in their own skin. Our 16 Types or Enneagram Tests are a good place to start on your journey to self-discovery.

3: Take the time to rest

The emphasis on parties and events can make it easy to forget that the holidays are, well, a holiday! This is time off work, after all, so use it as a chance to de-stress, decompress and practice self-care. 

“Holidays have the potential to be very meaningful and restorative for highly sensitive folks,” shares Snow, suggesting HSPs “schedule at least one day to do nothing between the holiday festivities.”

On top of that she recommends that HSPs already feeling depleted “consider skipping or reducing travel, hosting, or unnecessary holiday tasks to give more time to recover before starting the new year.”

4: Find the joy

It’s common for HSPs to experience looming dread before the holiday season because they remember how exhausted and unwell they ended up feeling the year before. So, this year, make it your goal to architect a festive season you look back on fondly.

As Snow recommends: “Whether you’re celebrating solo or with a large family, create space for quiet reflection, forgotten family traditions, sacred religious or spiritual practices, holiday movies, or whatever brings you joy this time of year.”

5: Stop comparing 

While you might feel resolute to have a quieter December, a quick look on social media – with endless pictures of people eating, drinking and being merry – might make you feel bad about favoring alone time. 

The trick to overcome this, notes Wachter, is “not to compare to others. We all have different nervous systems and different needs. Praise yourself for listening to yours.”

6: Nurture your inner child

If you’re feeling nervous or out of place at a social event, a great way to take care of yourself is to “imagine you were taking a sensitive child to a gathering and you were going to be comforting them the entire time,” says Wachter. 

“You can soothe yourself with your thoughts and even your own touch. One client of mine clasps her hands together during challenging holiday family moments. She imagines the compassionate, wise adult part of her comforting the sensitive part that feels different.”

7: Relish your strengths 

While being an HSP has its challenges, it also comes with wonderful, unique strengths. “HSPs easily excel when they get enough rest, have supportive social connections, and spend time doing things that are meaningful to them,” notes Snow. 

So, as well as taking care of your basic needs this holiday season, don’t forget to spend time on the activities that light up your soul. Whether that’s being creative, spending time with people who you make feel seen, heard and understood or taking time to walk in nature, give yourself the opportunity to reconnect with the parts of you that remind you your sensitivity is a superpower – not a weakness.