Surviving the Holiday Breakup: How Different Enneagram Types Cope with Heartbreak
Breakups are tough, no matter how long the relationship lasted. And they're even tougher when they happen during the Holidays. This is a time filled with joy, gatherings, love and gift giving – everything that reminds you of your ex and what you've lost.
But guess what? If you're feeling down and heartbroken, the Enneagram can help. Your Enneagram type can tell you a lot about the way you handle heartbreak, making it easier for you to cope.
Enneagram Type 1 - The Perfectionist
For Type 1s, the holiday season is symbolic – an outward display of your ideals around family, love and what should be. You have a meticulously curated vision of a ‘perfect’ holiday, complete with a loving partner by your side, and will likely spend a lot of time and effort in bringing that vision to life.
The breakup blow:
You go out of your way to create a perfect holiday experience, so it can be devastating to have it ruined by a breakup. The cheerful vision you imagined may now serve as a harsh mirror, reflecting your failed relationship and what you might perceive as personal inadequacy. Your inner voice may turn towards self-blame and judgment unless you actively work towards self-compassion.
Coping strategies:
- Craft new holiday traditions that were not in your first perfect picture to help detach from your ex.
- Do something spontaneous, like last-minute holiday shopping, to help ease the high standards you may hold.
- Practice mindfulness and self-compassion to help you manage the overwhelm.
Enneagram Type 2 - The Giver
The holiday season is when the Type 2’s caring nature shines the brightest. It's an opportunity for you to express love through actions like thoughtful gift-giving and emotional support. You feel valued when you can help make the holiday special for those around you.
The breakup blow:
Your nurturing and giving side comes out in full force during the Holidays, so a breakup can rip away a big source of your happiness and sense of worth. You may feel like you failed to meet your ex's needs or that they did not appreciate the effort you put into making the holiday special.
Coping strategies:
- Give yourself the same love and care you usually give others. Plan a self-care day filled with your favorite holiday movies, treats and relaxation. You deserve it.
- Surround yourself with appreciative friends and family who reciprocate your giving nature, making holiday gatherings a source of mutual care and support.
Enneagram Type 3 - The Achiever
For Type 3s, the holiday season is an opportunity to cement relationships and celebrate the year's accomplishments. Whether it's a promotion, a new relationship, or a personal milestone, the holidays give you a platform to share these joys with others.
The breakup blow:
At a time when celebrations of personal and communal achievements are rampant, a breakup can feel like a glaring defeat for Type 3s. The public nature of holiday gatherings can add pressure on you to put up a facade of success and happiness, even in the face of heartbreak.
Coping strategies:
- Allow yourself to feel your emotions and grieve the loss of the relationship. It's okay to not be okay, and pretending otherwise will only prolong the healing process.
- Focus on what you have accomplished this year, individually, redefining success beyond your relationship status.
- Foster genuine connections by sharing your true feelings about the breakup with trusted individuals, perhaps during a quiet dinner or a one-on-one coffee meetup.
Enneagram Type 4 - The Individualist
For Type 4s, the holidays are a canvas for expressing your unique sense of style, depth, and emotional richness. You look forward to the festivities as a time when the world catches up with your search for deeper meaning and authentic connections.
The breakup blow:
The holidays, a time rich with sentimental traditions, may now feel tinted with melancholy for Type 4s. The breakup can morph the happy season to a landscape of loss and longing, where every tradition feels like a ghost of the past.
Coping strategies:
- Use your creativity to create new traditions that reflect the person you are. For example, you could make holiday decorations, personalized gifts or expressive holiday cards.
- Take a tranquil walk and reflect. You need time and space to process your emotions. Don't get so caught up in the Holidays or nostalgia that you forget to nurture your inner self.
Enneagram Type 5 - The Investigator
Type 5s spend a lot of time exploring subjects that pique their interest, and the Holidays are no different. Whether it's different cultural traditions or the psychology of relatives at the dinner table, you'll use this time to focus on your own 'holiday project,' which provides an exciting and rewarding way for you to engage in the festivities.
The breakup blow:
A breakup adds an extra layer of introspection for Type 5s, who may now overanalyze the relationship, trying to understand what went wrong. The Holidays are already an emotional high tide for Fives. The demands of participation could feel intrusive, an unwelcome interruption to your personal healing process.
Coping strategies:
- Set boundaries for yourself. You don't have to attend every holiday event or engage in small talk with everyone. Protect your personal space and take breaks when you need them.
- Use your analytical nature to dig deep into your feelings, allowing yourself to process them in a healthy way.
Enneagram Type 6 - The Skeptic
For Type 6s, the Holidays are a comfort zone in an unpredictable world. Familiar rituals and traditions offer more than nostalgia — they serve as a scaffolding that supports your emotional well-being, reinforcing your need for stability and reliability.
The breakup blow:
A holiday breakup disrupts this safe haven, replacing familiar joy with uncertainty and anxiety. Each holiday tradition might now evoke a sense of loss and challenge your trust in stability and the future.
Coping strategies:
- Engage in familiar holiday traditions that bring comfort and ease anxieties.
- Have a well-planned holiday schedule with a mix of comforting activities and supportive interactions to bring a sense of predictability to the season. This will help reduce your anxiety.
- Leave some room for spontaneity to embrace the holiday spirit, too – sometimes the best memories are made in the unplanned moments.
Enneagram Type 7 - The Enthusiast
For Type 7s, the holiday season is synonymous with joy. You're the party planners of the Enneagram. The holidays are an experience-rich playground where you can fully come alive.
The breakup blow:
The juxtaposition of heartbreak amidst happiness can be disorienting for Type 7s. The breakup threatens to dampen your natural sense of joy and adventure and, worse, you'll be forced to confront your feelings when you usually avoid negative emotions at all costs.
Coping strategies:
- Dive into learning a new skill like ice skating or holiday baking. This can be both a distraction and a means of emotional processing through activities that make you happy.
- Surround yourself with positive, uplifting people who can help you see the brighter side of things.
- Remember that it's okay to feel sad during this time and allow yourself to experience those emotions. It will only make your celebrations more meaningful when you do find moments of joy.
Enneagram Type 8 - The Challenger
While Type 8s may not be swept away by holiday sentimentality, you look forward to this time as an opportunity to connect with people you love and trust. The holidays offer a stage to deepen these bonds on your own terms.
The breakup blow:
Breakups leave Type 8s feeling vulnerable. You may feel as though you've lost control over your personal narrative, and the story you were building around trust and connection has been disrupted. You're having to play your loss out in public as well, which might feel like a threat to your independence.
Coping strategies:
- Engage in activities that help you regain control and reclaim your independence, such as volunteering for a charity event or organizing a community activity.
- Lean on the support of trusted friends and family members who will let you process your emotions without judgment.
Enneagram Type 9 - The Peacemaker
For Type 9s, the holiday season is like a peaceful haven. You revel in family togetherness, communal meals, and traditions that offer a break from life's chaos. The unity, more than the festivities, holds value for you.
The breakup blow:
The breakup can feel like a storm blowing through your tranquil world, threatening the peace and harmony you hold dear. You might also feel like you have to take on the emotional burdens of both yourself and your partner, which can be overwhelming.
Coping strategies:
- Create new peaceful holiday routines, like early morning walks to enjoy the holiday scenery or long drives to look at the lights at night, providing a serene counterbalance to any emotional turmoil.
- Choose activities that encourage self-expression, like crafting handmade gifts or writing personalized holiday cards. This will help you process emotions and regain a sense of peace.
