Does My Boss Lack EQ? The Tell-tale Signs
If you’ve ever watched The Office, you’ll know the type—the insensitive, sometimes delusional manager who unintentionally tramples employee morale on a day-to-day basis. Sure, on screen, watching these cringe-worthy scenes play out is entertaining, but when the manager is in your building, sending you emails, it’s far less humorous.
While we’d all like to think that bosses with low emotional intelligence (EQ) would never make it so high up the corporate ladder, research indicates otherwise.
According to Gallup, over two-thirds of us don’t feel engaged at work, and 74% are looking for a new job. The number one reason for this workplace dissatisfaction? You guessed it. Poor management.
If you’re struggling to feel happy at work and feel like your manager might be culpable, this article is for you. Read on to discover the tell-tale signs of low EQ in a boss, along with some handy tips on how to manage these individuals.
What is EQ?
Emotional intelligence refers to a range of internal capabilities that enables you to manage your emotions and relate to other people’s emotional experiences. People with a high EQ are skilled at mood regulation and tend to demonstrate high levels of empathy.
By contrast, people on the other end of the spectrum find it challenging to understand and control their feelings. They also struggle to relate to other people in a healthy way.
At Truity, we’ve developed a test to discern EQ by analyzing five characteristics: self-awareness, awareness of others, emotional control, empathy and well-being. You can take the test for yourself here to learn about your own EQ.
But if you suspect your boss is lacking in this area, sending the link over probably isn’t an option. In fact, it could result in quite the fallout!
Fear not, though, you can still detect your boss’ EQ score without our test, thanks to some tell-tale signs.
Tell-tale signs of a manager with low EQ
Below are five giveaways of a boss that needs to sharpen their EQ. If they exhibit at least four of these behaviors consistently, it’s highly likely they have poor emotional awareness.
#1: They find it challenging to self-regulate
A hallmark of emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand and regulate our emotions, especially difficult ones. But people with low EQs struggle to do this.
When they feel angry, for example, they’re more likely to act on their initial impulse and fly off the handle. They also have a low tolerance for distress because they are easily triggered.
In a manager, this often looks like frequent-but-sudden mood changes, emotional outbursts and an inability to accept even constructive criticism—not to mention a generally pessimistic demeanor.
#2: They have a fixed mindset
Many individuals lacking EQ have superiority complexes. Deep down they feel inferior, but they glaze over these feelings—which they struggle to face—by overplaying their positive traits.
The result is a very stubborn manager who won’t take outside suggestions and can’t stand to be wrong. Worse still, these individuals often shift blame onto colleagues for their own mistakes.
Rather than foster a growth mindset and learn from setbacks, their attitude is fixed. They are unwilling to listen and always seem to find a way to point the finger at others for their problems.
#3: They’re insensitive
People with a high EQ demonstrate strong empathy. They can quickly glean how another person feels. But those with a low EQ struggle with this. After all, they find it challenging to understand their own emotions, let alone those of others.
As Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, explains: “People's emotions are rarely put into words. Far more often they are expressed through other cues. The key to intuiting another's feelings is in the ability to read tone of voice, gesture, facial expression and the like.”
For those with a low EQ, though, understanding these nonverbal channels is difficult. As a result, they often come across as cold, insensitive and self-centered.
With that in mind, if your manager struggles to read the room and often makes ill-timed remarks, it’s a tell-tale sign of poor empathy skills and low EQ.
#4: Conversations only scratch the surface
A low EQ also manifests itself in rather egocentric, surface-level conversations. Again, because these people lack empathy, they struggle to relate to others. As a result, they can be pretty narcissistic. In most conversations you have with them, they’ll find a way to make the discussion about themselves.
At the same time, their poor levels of self and other awareness mean these conversations will feel very superficial, focusing on things like celebrity gossip and work.
If you ask a manager with low EQ how they really feel about something, they’ll answer with a sense of detachment and brevity, and quickly move the conversation back to a territory they’re comfortable with.
#5: They struggle to maintain close relationships
Given the traits of a low EQ give rise to insensitivity, stubbornness and egocentricity, it’s no surprise to learn that individuals with a low EQ often struggle to maintain close relationships.
After all, relationships are all about compromise, vulnerability and connection—all of which are very challenging for someone with a low EQ.
Ask yourself: does your manager have a good social circle outside of the workplace, or does it seem like their friends and relationships are few and far between? If it’s the latter, your manager may well have a low EQ.
How to navigate working with a boss with low EQ
If you thought “yes, yes and yes” when reading the above, chances are you’ve got a boss with low EQ on your hands. But before you start writing your resignation letter, know that you can take some simple steps to improve things.
Here’s what to bear in mind.
Look inward
EQ is a skill. In the same way that you can learn to ride a bike or play the violin, you can elevate your EQ with practice and dedication. However, ironically, asking your manager with a low EQ to work on their EQ probably won’t go down well.
Instead, we recommend looking inward first. As the saying goes: “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” Before you apply judgment to someone else’s EQ, it’s wise to work on your own.
Our test is a great place to start, helping you to gauge your EQ strengths and areas for improvement. From there, take the time to self-reflect and think about how you can improve your EQ. There are loads of resources, podcasts and books out there that can help.
Be the change you want to see
As you enhance your EQ, you can start to lead by example in the workplace. Consider your conversations with colleagues, customers and, most importantly, your boss as golden opportunities to demonstrate workplace empathy and EQ.
Of course, it can be exceptionally challenging to cultivate understanding for a boss with low EQ, but that’s exactly what you need to do. Develop communication habits like active listening, asking thoughtful questions and reflecting before responding.
Give careful constructive feedback
Possibly the scariest aspect of dealing with a low EQ boss is telling them their EQ needs work. But, when done well, this conversation can do wonders for prompting your manager to embrace self-reflection.
How you approach the discussion is crucial. You need to remain level-headed, logical, and data-focused. Broad-stroke statements will only encourage emotional volatility and aren’t particularly constructive.
Judith Glaser, the author of the book Conversational Intelligence, recommends a six-step approach:
- Prime the conversation: Put a meeting in your boss’ diary, explaining you want to have a conversation that will enhance your workplace relationship.
- Focus on the facts: Focus on a specific event rather than your boss’ character, and explain what happened for both of you.
- Practice empathy: As you explain, seek to understand how your manager felt at that time.
- Share your side: Calmly explain how the incident made you feel.
- Learn together: Help each other brainstorm what could’ve been done differently by both of you.
- Resolve and move forward: Once you’ve found a resolution, reiterate the positive benefits of having this conversation.
Remember, their emotions are their responsibility
Ultimately, you can’t change someone who doesn’t recognize any wrongdoing in their actions. If constructive criticism fails to make an impact, your next best bet is emotional self-preservation: reminding yourself that your boss’ behavior is a reflection of themselves, not you.
Maintaining this emotional distance is easier said than done, but it’s vital to preserving your peace of mind while working with a low EQ individual.
Remember, too, that your well-being is more important than anything else. If you find that this person’s conduct takes a toll on your self-esteem and they’re impervious to change, you can look for a role elsewhere: in another department or even another company.
